missing things...things missing

This was an interesting weekend for me.  Not totally sure why, but it just had me thinking about different things.  Things that I miss, people that I miss, experiences that I miss, etc.  Part of it is that we have tickets to come to Colorado in a month - we're all looking forward to seeing people, eating junk food, going to stores, etc. 

In preparation for this trip I've started making lists.  I love lists.  Almost to the point of obsession.  When we were getting married, I had lists and then I had lists of my lists.  Boy, those were the days!

So I have all these lists - lists of people to see, food we want to eat, things to buy, etc.  The people is a no-brainer.  They are what I miss the most.  It's a little frightening to try to figure out how to see everyone I want to see in such a short time.  We'll see how that goes. 

More interesting (possibly from a purely academic standpoint) is thinking about what "stuff" we miss.  Charlie asked me very seriously if we could eat some candy while we're in Colorado.  You know it's sad when the food you miss from your home country is junk food.  Candy does kind of suck here though.  Nothing is made with corn syrup, so it's not nearly as good!  :)  We all have restaurants we want to go to - mainly fast food, wings, bbq, etc.  No great gourmet, healthy foods that we're missing here.  Just give us sugar and french fries!

But it's weird to make lists of what I might "need" to bring back.  I have plans of going through our attic in our house and bringing stuff that didn't fit in the first round of suitcases.  Kevin and I have both lost weight since we've been here (re-read the paragraph above about junk food and fast food restaurants for the main reasons...), so we both need some clothes.  Hard to buy summer clothes in Denver in February, so we have an 8 hour layover in Miami on our way there.  Should be interesting to make that work, but hopefully we'll get some shorts that fit!  But there really isn't that much stuff that we need.  There are lots of things that it would be nice to have (like my kitchenaid - too heavy, frames - too bulky, twizzlers - too sugary), but in the end I'm not sure how much I will bring back.

I was talking with my friend and co-worker, Lola, today about "stuff".  She was saying sometimes it's just easier to not go to the stores because then you realize what you don't have.  Ironic to me, because the stores around here have NOTHING.  It's easy to not "want" for much, when you don't have great choices to begin with.  I'm sure it will be a little overwhelming to go shopping in the states.  And we've only been here 3 months!

Another hard thing for me about this weekend was knowing I was missing out on Snoblast (the middle school ski/snow retreat with our old church) for the first time since Charlie was a baby.  I LOVE this weekend.  I love playing hocker (hard to explain if you've never done it - just trust me, it's awesome), love driving crazy middle schoolers around, love the deep talks at night about life and God, and more than anything I love being with MY friends - the awesome volunteer leaders and parents we have as part of the group.  It really made me sad to miss it. 

Like I said above, of all the "things" I miss, the one that is the hardest to let go of is the people.  If I could bring back some suitcases full of my friends, that would be perfect.  As fun as it will be to go shopping and to Starbucks and look through all our stuff, I am excited and worried at the same time about seeing the people we love.  We've all settled into a bit of a routine here - work, school, beach, church, etc. and even though it's not totally "home" yet, it's getting there.  I worry that we will go back and the kids will be sad to leave again.  Sometimes I worry that I'll be too sad to leave again.  It was hard leaving in October - lots of goodbyes, hugs, tears, etc.  I want this trip to be fun and refreshing, but I know I will be sad too.

This whole process of moving and change is just hard.  There are so many things we love about being here, and sometimes I wish all those things would make the hard parts about change just go away.  But I know that it doesn't work that way, even though I wish it would.  I know that the hard is worth it and that even though there are some things and people are missing in our lives in Costa Rica right now, they will come.  And that even when they do, they won't diminish the people and friendships we have and cherish from our life before.  I guess it's just part of the deal.