Safe?

“Safe?”

This word has been popping all over my life recently. 

“Are you guys safe?”  Earthquakes, huge rain storms, flooding.

“Have a safe flight?”  Flying after just starting to watch the series “Lost” can make anyone nervous.

“Is Costa Rica a safe place for families?”

“Is your God safe?”

How do we answer these questions?

While in the US, I suppose I felt “safe” – but why?  Probably just the normalcy of it, the familiarity and comforts of “home.”  But is it any safer a life than anywhere else?

Is it safe to let your children walk to school by themselves?  Is it safe to have a home near the mountains that might catch fire?  Is it safe to drive 80 miles/hour on the highway?  Is it safe to go to the movies?

I saw my chiropractor during my short visit to Colorado.  Many people asked me why I was coming to visit and the truth is that visiting friends and family was a big part of it, but visiting and taking advantage of all my old “services” was a big part of the appeal as well.  If you know me well, you know that Ted (the chiropractor again) has helped me a lot both physically and emotionally.  He believes (as do I) that our bodies hold pain, fear, emotion, etc. and often physical pain is related to emotional pain.  So…when I went to his office, my normal hip that always hurts when something emotional is going on was starting to flare up.  In the end through discovery and discussion, we concluded that I was worrying and feeling bad because I wasn’t entirely convinced that Costa Rica was safe for my family. 

I’ve shared with many about Charlie’s fears since the first earthquake on September 5^th.  Was he safe during the earthquake and afterwards?  Is he safe now?  He definitely doesn’t feel it every night when it’s time for bed.  He can’t/won’t go to sleep without Kevin or I snuggling with him until he’s asleep.  Then if he wakes up in the middle of the night, he wants us again.

He’s afraid.  Why?  Of another earthquake?  Okay…check that off – we have “aftershocks” all the time.  A whopping 6.6 the other day while I was gone.  It killed me not to be with them.  Of monsters?  Apparently that was the reason the other night.  Of me dying while I was gone?  Yes, he’s afraid of all of the above.

Maybe he’s afraid of being alone?  I get that one…  Aren’t we all at our core afraid of being alone?  How existential of me, but it is true.

When I was in the states, I was so thankful to see so many people who I love.  These are the people who throughout my life have helped me to not feel alone.  People I’ve known since I was born, people I’ve worked with and for, people I’ve played with, people I’ve raised my children with, people I’ve lived life with.  These are the people who help us feel safe and not alone.  I am so lucky to have so many of them.  It hurts like hell to leave them.  It hurts like hell to live so far away from them.  

I can’t wait to see Kevin and the kids and I’m thankful for the people in my life in Costa Rica who are starting to fill these roles, but damn, I love my friends and family.  A good friend told me the other day that I wear my passion and my love on my sleeve and that is part of who I am and will always be.  But boy, that makes it hard to be so far away.

Back to being safe (mainly because it’s a little easier to write about and I think the people on the plane are starting to worry about me as I’m crying on a plane trip down to Costa Rica…who cries on the way to Costa Rica?)

What does it even mean to be safe?  Does it mean to be in no danger of being harmed physically?  Does it mean to be in no danger of being harmed emotionally?  In that case, are we ever safe?  Is anywhere we go safe?  I don’t think so.  In Spanish, the phrase to say “it’s safe” is “es seguro”.  The verb here is the permanent form of “to be”, ser, not the temporary form “estar”.  This makes no sense to me.  What in our life is ever always safe?

Some people ask the question of whether or not God is safe.  I don’t know how theologians would answer that, but I know for me that the one thing I do know is that I love Him so much, that His love can make me feel safe and I know that he does help me when I’m feeling unsafe in this broken world. 

My therapist (yes I went to therapy on vacation also) told me that maybe what Charlie needs is to be held.  Held in the way you would hold a baby to make them know they are safe and secure.  Held in a way that resets his brain so that he knows he can rest knowing that Kevin and I will do all we can do to keep him safe.

I like that idea.  Who of us doesn’t want that?  I am convinced that my safety rests only in the arms of my Savior.  While we can’t feel physical arms around us as I plan to hold my whole family when I see them in a couple hours, I have had the privilege of feeling the spiritual arms of the Lord around me many times in my life.  What more amazing and safe thing is that?

So as I make my way back to what has become my home, I am thankful for many things.  I am thankful for my amazing husband and my awesome kids.  I am thankful for a business that challenges us all.  I am so thankful for all the people I love all over the world.  I am thankful for the safety I have in knowing that my God loves me and I will never be alone.